all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
