at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
