I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
do herpes really smell.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
