I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
