in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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