So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
