wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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