i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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