this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I touched a dick in church today
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
