if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
