I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
