I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
God, I missed his penis.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
