He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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