I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
