there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
