Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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