You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
