Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
