Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
