If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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