apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
wow bdsm is so cute
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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