He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
