When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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