What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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