I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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