woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
