I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
