Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
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I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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