I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
