so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
