the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
