no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have surprise drugs for everyone
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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