Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
