Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize