just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
