They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
