i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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