margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
