Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
