Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
too bad you live with your parents still
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
