The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
