i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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