Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
