I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
