whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
