Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
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Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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