I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
we should paint friendship bongs
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