if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
