He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
