some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
