i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he shaved USA in his pubs
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
