Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
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