I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
