We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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