Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
