So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I need a beard to bite.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm always down for nudity.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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