official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You can't just leave with hair like that
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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