1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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