We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
