Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
