if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
