I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize