My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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