This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
