What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
