life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
