Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
