sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
