I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
