it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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