I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
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Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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