That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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