If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
