You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
