Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
