You smell like a Billy Joel song
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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